A year doesn't seem like such a long time, especially in the grand scheme of things. It's not even an atom in the comic ocean of life. It's just a mere 365.4 days. What's a year?

However, if you really think about it, so much can happen in a year. Lives begin and end, friendships are made and broken, nations develop, wars begin, wars end, drought, flood, famine, prosperity, depression, marriage, moving, jobs, children.. so much changes in such a short span.

Each day we live, we look at what we're doing and don't really think about it. We make choices, define our paths, define ourselves, without really realizing just what directions we may take. You are not the same person you were a year ago.

Your life is not the same it was a year ago. In each moment of change, even in each moment of the mundane, really look at your life. What you do now will affect you a year from today, perhaps for the rest of your life. Who are you today?

Think about it. Really think and remember.. 10 years ago, was "last year" at one point.

I look over the past year in awe, I never imagined how different my life would be. I look forward to the future with awe, inspiriation, joy, and trepidation.

I wonder who I'll be.. this time next year. I can wait to find out, I'll enjoy now.

Blessed Be & have a wonderful Ostara. May your dreams and hopes come to fruition.

Victims, aren't we all?

We have all suffered at the hands of another; all have felt the quiet agony of betrayel, distrust, anger, hurt, and disenchantment. We taste the bitter flesh of sorrow and consume it, wallowing in our misery. We seek no solace, wish no comfort, and lash out at those that give it. We become numb to the anguish that is heaped upon us, day in and day out. We become a shell that will no longer endure the suffering, but becomes empty in retaliation.

The shell will exist and get through each day; acknowledging nothing, accepting nothing, and only crawling further onto the cross. It will hang in its woe. It will expect others to see and take pity. It will expect others to feel the same anger, the same burn of vengence. It will allow the numbness to fester and become a weeping sore; infected, oozing, and covering the entirety of the soul. There is no escape from the self pity and the denial of one's own place in the scheme.

The light at the end of the tunnel is elusive. Fingers reach and fall away, catching nothing. Redemption is beyond the grasp. Only through introspection and yes, further suffering, will we become enlightened and move on. Only when ones own sins are acknowledged and forgiven, will growth occur. Growth is necessary. Change is needed. Anger is a curse and a burden to be cast away.

Bitterness binds, like a shackle or a noose about the neck. It strangles the soul, devours the essense of who one truly is. It kills any chance of hope, redemption, and finally.. joy.

Betrayel does not last forever. Love can. Which do you embrace? Which do you center your world around? Which, truly, becomes you? Or, in the case of rancor, do you become it? You, the real you, dies. It is a death that can be avoided.

Come down off the cross.

We are all victims; all. Every... last... one.

Some just choose to get beyond it and be victims no more.

Do not be the forever victim, self pitying and full of woe.

Sin? I will sin again.

I will sample the flesh, taste the wine, gorge myself on exstacy.
I will live life as though there will be no tomorrow.
I will sing, I will scream, I will moan and sigh.

Sin? I will sin again.

I will wrap my lips around life's sweetest fruits and savour them deeply.
I will lay the silken sword upon my tongue and embrace with velvet lips.
I will envelope the dagger into my womb.
I will push against anguish and pull in joy.

Sin? I will sin again.

I breath.
I know.
I taste.
I touch.
I hope.
I believe.
I dare.

All the pleasures of the world I will drink deep.
Sin and sin. The biggest lie.
To die without indulgence seems the greatest sin of all.
I will devour the glory of the world. It is our gift. It is our blessing.

Sin? I will sin again.

I will reject the idea that euphoria is a crime.
I will ignore the notion that only through suffering will we find peace.
I will rebel against those that will deprive me of that wonderous gift of joy.

Sin? I will sin again.

There is no sin!
Sin is a construct to control the masses.
All that is sin, is that which quenches a sensual need or an emotion of happiness.
Deny the "fact" of sin and live!

Sin.. I will sin again.

I will dance to bring fire to the loin.
I will sing to bring lust to the heart.
I will carress, stroke, coddle, and hold any with whom I feel love.
I will feel no shame for my desire.

Sin? I will sin again.

I will stand tall and proud of who I am and what They made me.
I will yearn for the temptations that lay before me and tease.
I will succumb and partake of the sumptuous bounty without regret...
so long as I cause none other pain.

I will drink deep the passions, pleasures, joys, lusts, hopes, pains, and taste life to the absolute fullest.

And when my time is done. I will pass with a mischievous grin and give thanks for the gift of a life richly lived.

You are defined, put into a box, categorized.. labeled. Every facet of life bears a tag. Wife, husband, lover, son, friend, companion, Pagan, Christian, enemy, acquaintance. Words, words, words to pigeonhole, not just what you do, but who you are and how you feel.

When circumstances change, all that truly changes is the narrow definition. You wear a new tag. You may feel the same, but your box bears a new name. From pregnant to mother, girlfriend, to fianceé, to wife; lover to husband to ex. The person is unchanged... just another label.

Every minute, every hour, every day someone supplies your label. The eyes that look upon you, ascertain or guess your very essense and apply a tag, based on what they see. It may or may not be accurate, but it is how you are percieved. You will have to fight to change that tag, no matter how ill fitting to your garment, your persona, yourself.

You, yourself, apply these indicators. You choose how things are branded. If that changes or shifts, so does the label. If you can find no perfect match, you are lost.. confused.. and uncentered. You need to find another category... somehow... some way.

We say we hate them. We say we don't want them, but they are what they are. They describe, define, and give us a haven amoung those who bear that same tag. Labels, words, definitions, stereotypes. They are what they are... and we need them.

... whether we like to admit it or not.

A poem I stumbled across while perusing the internet:

Twas the month before Christmas When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying Nor taking a stand.
Why the Politically Correct Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a 'Holiday'.
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.
As Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.
Inclusive, sensitive, Diversity
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!

It is sad that politcal correctness has taken over so much. It's tragic that people are consumed by commercialism and material things, rather than the reason behind the holiday season. That part of the poem, I agree with 100%. Christmas Carols? Sure! Christmas Tree! Of course!

The only part I take umbrage with is the elusion that mentioning other holidays is somehow part of the problem. Other holidays have always existed. Promoting Ramadan or Chanukah isn't detracting from Christmas. Naked capitalism and political correctness is. We're so busy trying to "not offend" people, we're removing the soul from the entire population.

Part of diversity isn't erasing the culture, it's embracing and acknowledging all of it. Not white washing it into a dull amalgam where everyone's 'the same'. I don't have to celebrate Christmas to appreciate that it's a lovely holiday. Nor does it offend me if someone does. I would hope no one would get offended if I said "Merry Yule"

I believe the problem is people who go out of their way to get offended. If you display Christmas regalia, that must mean you're anti-semetic, anti-diversity, or trying to shove your Judeo-Christian concept of Divinity down someone's throat. It MUST mean that you're ignoring and shunting aside the other celebrations of the season. It couldn't possibly mean that one is merely celebrating a popular holiday, appealing to a majority populace, and expressing joy in the season. Not everything is part of a giant Christian conspiracy to assimilate the masses and destroy all dissension.

Celebration of one holiday in no way diminishes or dismisses any other holiday. If one is actually deeply offended because someone else's holiday is being celebrated, the problem lay with them. The problem lay with people who get their feathers ruffled when they demand that everyone bow to their whims, just to get them to shut up and stop complaining. I am well aware that other beliefs and ideologies were ignored for far too long, but the pendulum should not swing the other way.

We should not eliminate ALL possible connection with Judeo-Christian culture from this society, just as we should not ignore ALL non-Judeo-Christian belief sets. We should embrace and acknowledge all. However, by and large the population of the US is Judeo-Christian. Why should the majority not be reflected? Just because the majority is more visible, that does not mean we're seeking to abolish the minority or make it so they cannot celebrate. I'm not going to pitch a fit because there's no Winter Solstice cards put out by Hallmark. I'm not going to be offended because there's a Santa at Wal-Mart instead of a Holly King. That seems ridiculous.

The thing is, people are taking the idea that America is a "melting pot" way too literally. When you melt things down they become one, big homogenized mass. There's no distinctive flavour and no way to tell all the parts that had gone in. I think we should reconsider the "melting pot" analogy and look at America more like a salad. You can tell what every piece is, every part, and no matter how much you toss it around each part is still distinctive and carries its own flavour. Yet, it's still just 1 salad.

We can celebrate, acknowledge, and laud all the cultures within this great nation. We can admire and respect each other and our differences, without them having to cowtow to our own beliefs or without having to squash those that may lay in opposition to our own. We have the Freedom to live as we choose, believe as we choose, worship as we choose, celebrate as we choose, and speak how we choose. That's what America is about, isn't it?

I grew up with my family celebrating Christmas, had a grand old time. I've been a practicing Wiccan for 20 years. Gosh, amazing how that works. I can enjoy something that isn't in my belief system, simply for what it is and I don't even feel oppressed. I made a choice to not be offended unless someone was intentionally trying to offend me, even then I check the motivation. Amazing how that works!

Frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of people who go out of their way to be offended. The nation was built on freedom, that includes the freedom to be different. It's appalling we're trying so hard to ignore those differences and present this murky, joyless conglomeration of commercialism without any basis to our children.

Dream Tree? Are you kidding me?

Have a Blessed Winter Solstice & Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Blessed Ramadan (etc) to those who celebrate.

Live and let live, say I.

It an easy thing to say, but seems much harder in practice. For some reason when another presents an opposing viewpoint or is contrary to your personal desires, it sparks a desperate need in the human psyche to seek it out, destroy it, or assimilate it to one's own comfort zone. It often leads to discontent, strife, subterfuge, and sometimes outright warfare.

Talking heads speak on the value of diversity and the enrichment of divergent views, but in practice that is not so. Diversity is only valued when it fits into one's own comfortable little niche. Diversity is only valued if it's within your realm of control or understanding. Divergent views are shunted aside or squashed, so that one does not have to challenge one's own paradigm.

This is absolutely tragic.

What could you learn if you truly live and let live? How many lives could you enrich if, instead of seeking to control what is outside your realm of influence, you actually sat, listened, and learned? Knowledge is power, not control.

Destroying what is not yours does not give you any measure of control. All it does is cheapen your spiritual and intellectual experience. It removes you from enlightment with every accusation or covert action against another and their opposing view. It detracts from any growth that you could have attained by just listening and respecting another's view.

Live and let live. We are the embodiment of the Divine. Their essense resides in our very souls and is reflected in the shell. Each difference is a lesson that we can learn. Each divergent view is yet another aspect of the Divine. By shutting down what you do not control, understand, or agree with you become what you detest.

You become weak, feeble, and narrow minded. You lose the higher self in the pursuit of power and in your own arrogance. You lose out on the lessons that are held before you, in whatever form they may take. If you cannot allow an opposing view to flourish, what does that really say about you? Is your spirit so weak that you cannot stand up and be a shining example of what you are?

If your faith is challenged, that should harden your resolve. You should be able to stand up and know exactly what you are and defend it, without having to resort to name calling or degradation of another path. If your lifestyle is mocked, that should strengthen your position. Live in the best manner you can and seek to disprove perception by your mere existance.

Let the weak ones be those who cannot abide another being in "their" world. Let the truth of diversity be in yourself. There is no reason to be spiteful or cruel.

And if all you seek is power, then you will never, ever be powerful. The rule you have over any will be shallow, because you know.. deep down.. you're nothing without it. Power is in the ability to accept others and let them live their lives, without your having to prove you're "better" than they. If you're truly better, people will know. They will know because they see it, not because you destroyed all who stood differently.

True power lies in the confidence to let others exist without capitulation. True power lies in knowing who you are, inside. True faith resides within the heart, not in how many converts you manage to sway.

Live and let live, say I. The more lives I see and experience, different than my own, the better I feel I am as a person.

trust –noun reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

Seems simple, doesn't it? It's just one word. It means you can rely on someone or something. It should be easy. I give you my word, I mean it. Trust me.

Trust and you'll be trusted, said the liar to the fool. When the word, the solemn vow, has been violated you lose trust. It's almost impossible to regain in that individual or that thing that broke the oath. Even worse is when you've had repeated offenses to your trusting nature. You then you learn to trust in nothing and no one at all.

However, sometimes you just can't trust. You build a barrier between you and everyone else. You keep your secrets. Hide yourself. You hole yourself up inside yourself. It's easier that way. Then no one can know you. No one can touch that part of you. No one can hurt you. And you will desperately shove anyone away who even approaches a level of trust. You won't allow it. If they can't see what lies within, they can't reject it or you. They can't break you. You're solid, shielded, and strong.

It's not truly strength, though. It's a facade. It's weakness and fear. It's easier to keep everyone out and have a strong wall than be vulnerable. How do you learn to trust again? How do you allow yourself to be vulnerable when all that's ever done is bruise your soul?

What do you gain from trusting someone? You gain the ability to believe in someone. You gain the ability to believe in yourself. You gain a confidante, a friend. You gain someone you can share the greater part of your hidden self. You can tell your secrets, share your pain, and help each other with your anguish. You can share your joy. Joy shared, is joy enhanced.

Continuing on with the distrust is self denial. It prevents you from experiencing joy again. You go through the motions. You may not be hurt, but you won't get the full measure of extacy either. Is keeping the pain at bay worth losing the delicious happiness you could feel, if only you trusted someone, if only you believed in someone.. or something?

It's a long road, learning to trust again. It's a painful road. There will be bumps, snags, and setbacks. There will be suffering. There will be anguish. In the long run, however, the rewards are worth the risk. Without risks you become a shell of a person. A husk in which feelings will fall away, like leaves in autumn.

Without risks you will be empty.

Faking it.

Like a smile that doesn't quite reach the eyes, sometimes we're faking it. Pretending to feel things we don't feel, saying we want things we don't want, acting as though we give a damn when, in reality, we really don't. We do them because we fear hurting others or revealing a deeper truth. We do them to appease bosses, coworkers, friends, and even loved ones. We do it to keep the 'status quo' and maintain a comfort zone.

Assumed identity, imitation thoughts. All these things are a wall. A barrier that keeps everyone out and crushes the real you that dwells within. Hiding behind a wall of cynicism you keep faking it. The words spill forth, unbidden without thought. After a while, so used to the guise, the line between reality and the fallacy is blurred.

It's in the eyes. It's in the manner. Faking it. The truth is always there to be seen and everyone knows. Everyone can see it, but yet you keep going with the perjury. You don't want to reveal the real you and what you feel. You don't want to destroy all that you have built on these tales. You fear what will happen when reality sets in.

Sometimes we spew lie after lie, so we can keep on faking it. Do it long enough and you can't even recall what the truth is any more. Do it long enough and the false you becomes real, until someone or something shatters the illusion and leaves you desperate and clinging onto the memories you have of the false you. Your heart breaks at opportunities missed, lies told, and farcical dreams built.

Someone ducks behind the barricade and sees the reality. They accept you and all your flaws, yet you keep going with the lie to others. It feels impossible to start life over. It seems unbearable to believe when, for so long, you didn't and couldn't. How do you show everyone the real you? Will they accept it, when all they knew was the front? Will you be left alone, unregarded, and abandoned? That's the fear.

Fear keeps the real you in check. Fear of the unknown. Fear of exposure. Fear of the real you not being good enough. Fear of your real desires affecting things you need. Fear at losing what matters to you.. fear of losing.. everything.

Where do we go from here? What do we do when someone or something sees you, laid bare? How do you cope with that? How can you go on? What do you do next?

I wish I knew...