04 April 2013

Can't it just be no big deal..?

In my FaceBook feed someone had posted a meme about Neil Patrick Harris and his partner David Burtka.  (this one, to be specific: http://tyleroakley.tumblr.com/post/40113147887/they-are-ruining-marriage-by-setting-the-bar-way)  And it's sweet, charming, and shows a happy, loving relationship.  I think it's pretty damned awesome.  They're practically the poster children for marriage equality and proof that gay relationships can be healthy, loving, and wholesome (often they're shown with their two children). Good on them for being happy.

However, I can't help but feel bad for them as well.  Now, don't get me wrong I absolutely believe they're happy.  I am not saying there's some hidden horror in their relationship. They're going on their 9th year together which, in Hollywood, is like 5 times the average out there.  So, they've definitely got something there.

But I still feel bad for them.  Can you imagine the pressure they must feel?  Especially now with marriage equality before the Supreme Court.  The entire nation is looking at them.  Supporters of marriage equality love to point to them and say "look, they seem so loving! They're so wholesome!".  I agree, they absolutely do. 

The opponents of gay marriage don't see that.  Some see a happy couple, but don't believe that marriage should extend to them.  Some feel pity just see a couple of confused people who need to find God.  And some assholes see just a couple of fags who are ruining two kids lives.  So they're not changing minds.

However, gods forbid if they ever have any problems ever. I think they have it in them to go the distance, grow old, etc.  What if they don't though?  I mean marriages fail, people grow apart, shit happens.  These two, though, are under a damned microscope.  If their relationship fails it'll be seen as a blow to marriage equality.  Opponents of gay marriage will just point to that and go "See! We knew they couldn't do it! We were right all along".  Supporters would be disappointed in them.

Is that fair?  They're human beings.  I mean, I think they're freaking adorable and have a really sweet family.  I hope my marriage looks like that to other people.  I'm lucky though, people aren't looking to my relationship as an example or proof that my marriage should be allowed to exist.  No one should have to endure that.  If they have a spat in public (or shit, even look irritated) someone is going to snap a picture and someone is going to use that normal, human moment as "proof" that something is wrong with them/their relationship and it's because they're gay! Not because they're human.

Why does this have to be a thing?  Why do we need to parade NPH and David Burtka around as a perfect gay couple with their family?  We let imperfect people get married all the time. 

I get it, it's to show just how normal gay people are. It's to show that they deserve the same rights as the rest of us - by showing how it can be.  But gay people are normal - which means not everything is going to be perfect.  There will be divorce. There will be custody fights.  If marriage is a right afforded to everyone, then everyone will be eligible - not just the perfect people.

We need to leave NPH and David alone and just let them be a normal couple.  Take the pressure off.

We shouldn't have to prove that gay people are worthy of marriage.  It demeans the cause.  Gay people aren't worthy because we can prove that they're capable of being loving.  They're worthy because of the second word in the previous sentence... they're people.


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