02 October 2007

Sometimes, I have no idea what to think or say. I sit back and ponder life and think about its meaning. Sometimes, I ponder my own selfish needs and wants. I feel powerless over my life, my feelings, my cravings, my desires. In those moments, I see the big picture and know my needs and wants are insignifigant, but I still long for them.

I feel as though I'm just a being who drifts through, day to day. Moment of desire to moment of desire. Is it merely sensual, is it merely spiritual, is it merely cerebral? No, it's a combination of all.. yet, it's a combination of none. I am whole, I feel all. I cannot box or pinpoint the cause of my worry or my discontent.

I want love, I want to be desired, I want to be wanted, I want to be needed. I want to feel as though my life truly matters. Not in the cosmic sense, but in the here and now. I want to feel as though my life intertwines, bisects, and matters to someone else.. as much as their existance and life matters to me. I want to feel I am as important to someone, as they are to me.

Is that a lot to ask? Is it selfish? Is it arrogant to want to be unique, special, and be thought of as important? Perhaps.. but don't we all want that feeling in some small measure? Don't we all wish to feel that we're valued, cherished, loved, and that we are truly important to someone else?

Does it not cut us to the core, when we feel we are not? Who are we, if we do not see ourselves mirrored in someone else's eyes? Is that not the mirror where we seek to truly judge ourselves, our being, and our place?

Do we not all wish to feel as though we are a star...?

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